what i’ve been training for

Today is Boston, as they say.  I love being able to wake up, turn on the TV, and watch all the runners that have been training months, years, even their whole lives, for a race that is less than 20 miles from my house.  I remember watching the Boston Marathon last year, as well.

It was about a month before the marathon in which I’d get my BQ (Boston qualifying time).  I had a beautiful training run that day.  I also had two conflicting ideas of where I could be in a year.  Last year, I hoped that I would either be running Boston in 2015…or that I’d be pregnant again.

I earned my BQ on 5/18/14 with 3:31:35.  I am not sure if this time would have gotten me into Boston this year, as the competition is always fierce and a qualifying time doesn’t guarantee a racing bib.  However, I do know that after my BQ, I was torn.

Around June 2014, I started to feel a pull that I hadn’t felt since losing Darla in December of 2013.  I started to feel the little tug at my heart, a little pain…a tiny loneliness.  Completely independent of any action on my part, my heart was preparing to be a mom again.  I wasn’t ready in June, but July was different.

I felt like I knew how to be strong enough for whatever.  I didn’t have the strength on my own.  Just like in 2013, no matter what was waiting for us this time, we still weren’t alone.  God carried us through the darkest storm when we lost our first baby, and if need be, He would do it again.  I couldn’t lean on my own strength to be ready, I had to cling to where true strength comes from.  I knew how to be brave again.

I still wasn’t quite sure what to do about Boston.  However, after trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant in July, the increase in longing in my heart confirmed that I was definitely ready.  I was more ready than I’d realized.

I knew that, as hard as I had worked to train and qualify for Boston, I wanted this more.  We decided we’d try for a while and see what happened.  If I didn’t get pregnant by when it came time to register for Boston, maybe we’d put it trying on hold.  Maybe?

It never came to that.  We got pregnant in August.  I’ve been blessed with the pregnancy that I’d hoped for.

Now I sit here, on Marathon Monday 2015, less than 2 weeks from my due date, and ready to pop.  I am celebrating all the runners that made it and hoping I someday get the huge honor of joining them.  I still dream to run Boston.  But for now, I’m ok.  I have time.  I’ve been training for this race longer.

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To be honest, the idea of giving birth again is scary.  Walking through those hospital doors in active labor will surely be accompanied by a flood of memories from that December night.  Some will be happy, some will be painful.  I’ll never be ready, but in less than two weeks, it’ll be my own marathon.  I don’t know how long it will take, and I don’t know how much it will hurt.  I don’t know if I’ve trained enough, but I know I can make it through.

I just can’t wait to meet our little rainbow baby.

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This Monday, I’m linking-up with SarahJennRachel, and Tauna for the Mom 2 Mom Monday Link-up.

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18 thoughts on “what i’ve been training for

    1. Kerosene, your it’d shave soon to me and encouraged me ways I can’t express! You’ve always been one he strongest bravest people I’ve known 😄 I smile with tears thinking of you and your beautiful “bun” almost everyday! And I pray for you 🙂 thank you for being brave enough to share your journey; particularly this one!! I too qualified and had to make a choice; was also on the verge after my 70.3 of deciding whether or not o train for a full IM…I felt his same tug; over a year ago, tho we are still waiting on that little test to be positive; your sharing has continued to be a constant encouragement, You have been a God send in my “marathon” 😄

  1. I understand the importance of running in an actual race and not just training so I know that fear of missing out.
    As I have witnessed, labor is certainly a marathon but in perspective it’s just a short sprint to one of many finish lines! (Please pardon my horrible analogies!)
    I suffer from generalized anxiety disorder. I know that’s in a whole different class than labor/loss anxiety. Sometimes when I know the world will just crush the life out of me if I go anymore, I focus my breathing and concentrate on what is happening here, now. Also, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt on Netflix, taught me that I can do anything for 10 seconds. ;o)

    I keep you in my prayers and I’m grateful you have chosen to share your journey with us! I love finding your posts on my dashboard!

    1. Hi Lauren, thank you so much for sharing, for reading, and for your prayers! I appreciate your tips, and I will have to check our your recommendation (we don’t have Netflicks, but maybe on Hulu?).

    1. Thank you so much Michelle! I love your posts, and I will continue to look forward to them. I can’t wait to share our baby girl! Not sure how long it’ll be. I just finished a low-impact workout, but I don’t think it hurried her at all..she seems pretty comfy in there!

  2. You are beautifully totally pregnant. I worked in OB delivery for many years. You will be just fine & so will the baby. We will keep you in our prayers. You are strong & have already shown that. I remember seeing Jon the first time. He was a beautiful baby. This little one will be too. Thank you for your testimonies on your blog. They are inspiring. Thanks for letting me read them. Jon shared pictures of your home. It ‘s a perfect home in an ideal setting. I couldn’t wish for anything better for your family. Love, Marilyn

    1. Hi (great) Grandma Rose, thank you so much! We love the gift, the blanket is just beautiful! I’m sure Jon was a very beautiful baby. I can’t wait to see our little baby and who she looks like. From her ultrasounds, she looks like a blend of both of us. We both think she will have dark hair and blue eyes. Thank you about our home, we love it! Every day I wake up and I can’t believe how blessed we are to live here.

      I’m so glad you’ve been reading this! I can’t wait to share her with you both! Take care, talk soon. Love, Kristine

  3. I love your tummy!! Gorgeous mama! I’m sure you will have a great birth. And you are right, it IS like a bit of a marathon of its own! I have never sweat more in my life than when giving birth lol

    1. Thank you so much! I have my favorite candies packed in my hospital bag for after labor, to replenish my calories and as a massive reward. I keep wanting to tap into them, but I’ve managed to hold off 🙂

  4. I loved reading this. You’re so inspiring! Can’t wait to see pictures of your beautiful baby girl soon. You will do great in labor. Such a sweet blessing on the other side!

  5. Hi Kristine! I follow you on Instagram (blw.123) and just adore the photos you post of Gracie and your family, and of course running. I finally got around to checking out your blog. You truly are inspiring! I’m excited to read all of your posts.

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